If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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