Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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