then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
