I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
