First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
