I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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