That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
You know, be my cock's hype man.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
