bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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