Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
