Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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