I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
