I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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