You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
