I'm laying in your front yard are you home
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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