i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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