Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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