Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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