Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
