wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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