She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
