There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
