I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
