I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
