i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
