I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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