i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
where are my eyebrows?
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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