dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
