Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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