I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
