I wish I could teleport
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
