i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
