we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
