The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
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