just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
