Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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