I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
