just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
