No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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