somebody snuck up and got me drunk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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