I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
