if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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