My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
