The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Randomize
