rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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