i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
