your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Randomize
