So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I forgot wine drunk hurts
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
