ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
