I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
