yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
