I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
