I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
