So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
