I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
